Black Sheep are typically happy people. We love things with bubbles, miniature animals and coming up with fun ways to get noticed. We love Airstreams and good music and Mexican food. We love making things and causing riots and celebrating success.
But today, we’re protesting. The following grievances must be aired, and while we apologize for the negativity, we will not rest until the following egregious errors are rectified. It is our
civil creative duty to stand against the following:
1. Lazy ad campaigns. If your ad is a sad rip-off of the Got Milk? ads, please stop. If you use the suffix “–ista” in reference to something women might aspire to be, don’t do it. Target, we normally love what you do, but if we hear “frugalista” one more time, we might lose it. Furthermore, if you use quotes or definitions as the primary content for your campaign, we’re tired of it. We want something more creative – something that really tells us your product or service is special. That trend is over – waaay over.
2. WiFi Robbery. It’s bad enough when places don’t have WiFi, but you know, whatever. Maybe it’s too expensive to gain access to the Internet. The economy has been hard on us all. But charging us for it? Come on! You’re already paying for it, and it attracts us to your store. We drink your coffee and tea and eat your delicious snacks. We buy your books. Don’t make us sign up with AT&T or T-Mobile. We will just go away! Borders, thank you for rectifying this situation – smart move.
3. Bland company names and services. Maybe there’s nothing you can do about it because that’s what you’ve been called for 50 years. BUT, if you are naming a company RIGHT NOW, stop. Do not use the following words: Technology, service or solutions. These words mean nothing, and nobody will know what you’re talking about. Furthermore, when describing what you do, don’t tell people that your defining characteristic is relationships and customer service. Give us tangible facts – not hollow claims. Your reputation as a friendly, hospitable business will speak for itself.
4. PC Fonts – PC fonts are great for many things: Word documents, Excel sheets… even PowerPoint presentations. And that’s about it. If you use these fonts in your logo or on your printed collateral, people are going to know it wasn’t done professionally. Real designers use fonts that normal folks don’t have access to – or at least the kind that don’t come free with a laptop computer – and that’s how they create brands unique to their clients. When it comes to design, leave this work to the professionals.
5. Mediocre burgers and sliders – This is a huge issue with Black Sheep. Our favorite slider joint, Little Bigs, had a great thing going. While everyone else was offering nothing but standard beef sliders, they took it to another level with their tiny Portobello mushroom slider. That delicious little mushroom burger was our favorite, and now it’s gone, replaced by a lackluster black bean substitute. And this makes us very, very sad. Perhaps, the saddest we’ve ever been. Which is why Tuesday, December 1, we are taking our complaints to the streets in a BIG way. We are holding Bryan Caswell, the brainchild behind Little Bigs and this horrendous mistake, hostage (sssshhhh, don’t tell!) until he surrenders to our demands and brings the Portobello slider back. We’ll be meeting early to make protest signs and prepare for what might be the greatest battle in the history of our city. Are you with us? This is not a joke. Black Sheep do NOT take food lightly.
Whether it’s uninspired marketing, greedy coffee shops or the denial of our favorite slider at Little Bigs, it is important to ACT NOW. Take a stand against these horrible offenses, and together, we can make a difference one miniature sandwich and business name at a time. With enough support, we can do it, but we need YOUR help. As we present a united front against these wrongdoings, we are asking for community involvement. To volunteer your time for a good cause and stand up for the creative good, contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org.